When George Clooney Comes a Knockin'

The reason I married my husband was because he was the first man I ever met that I could be honest with and say what I thought. Of course, I still keep secrets from him but we are pretty open about the state of our marriage. Now in our 11th year of wedded bliss, the whole "until death do us part" can seem a really, really long time.

So we have this deal. Technically I have the deal but he's since joined in the fun. So we have this deal. If certain people were to show up at our door for whatever reason, we are free to leave. For me it's Dave Matthews, Viggo Mortensen and George Clooney. Viggo is new to the list. Sorry hon, I didn't tell you about that one.

My husband's list is an interesting one. Let me know if you see a common theme. Susan Sarandon, Isabella Rossellini and Drew Barrymore. It's sort of a toss-up between older, cool women and women who display their lovely breasts on film and television.

Back to the deal. Imagine my horror at reading the news about George Clooney and his latest 20 year-old girlfriend involved in a motorcycle accident in nearby Weehawken, New Jersey. My deal with George is, I know he's going through a phase with these young girls and someday soon, he'll come to his senses, and start looking for Mrs. Perfect. Me. A married mom in her 40's.

What troubles me about this new woman is that she's in a unique position - unlike her predecessors. Before the accident, the glow would've worn off for George. It always does. I mean she's a croupier or something for God's sake. Now she's something more. She's long-suffering. She's brave. She's wounded. These are qualities a principled man like George, the saver of Darfur, cannot easily dismiss.

If George were to marry this wrong woman, I'm not sure I could take it. Because when I started the list way back when, Dave Matthews had more hair and less paunch. And I love Viggo, but I'm concerned about a "vestigial tail" that my brother and his wife both say they saw in his nude scene in "A History of Violence". For the record, I saw no such tail, but it worries me.

If George is the last on the list and then George becomes permanently attached to this girl, then I am sunk. Frankly I think it's a conspiracy. I think she set up the entire thing. What would George Clooney be doing in Weehawken in the first place? Visiting Danny Devito?

There is a glimmer of hope however. George is not a forever man. He just isn't. He meets these waitresses, croupiers, ball girls and then he sheds them. That's his MO.

I don't blame him for having an exit strategy. So do I.

I'll meet you in Weehawken George. It's only an hour away according to Mapquest.