Why I Have to Kill My Husband
So it's come to this. I want to kill him. Sure I could divorce him, but where's the satisfaction in that? Murder. That's the stuff of Shakespeare.
He came home early yesterday because we had a parent-teacher conference. It was good to see him but I was in a foul mood because...well I was going to list the reasons but it doesn't really matter. They seem kind of silly now, but at the time I was pissed.
So we raced off to parent-teacher conference, raced home. I grabbed my son to take him to karate, changing in the car, came home and found my husband upstairs playing guitar and blasting Emmylou Harris. In re: my earlier post When George Clooney Comes a Knockin', another one on my husband's list is Emmylou.
I'm staring at my 50th bushel of laundry for the day, two unmade beds and dirty dishes and he's upstairs playing guitar. I haul the laundry upstairs and start making the bed, huffing and puffing to show my anger but he can't hear me of course because he's playing Red Dirt Girl or some other freakin' song for the tenth time. See he's playing guitar along with the song so he has to restart it when he gets off the pace.
I had a conversation with my friend LouLou the other day. She also wants to kill her husband. But we had this conversation about anger and why we're so angry all the time. It's basically the same situation only I think she may have it worse because her husband is actually in a band for cripe's sake. But she said something to me that made me think, so much so that I wrote it down. She said she was talking to a friend of hers and I can't remember exactly the circumstance but her friend was saying Lou should live everyday like it's her last and think about what her obituary would say. And Lou said, "Is that really how I want to be remembered? I kept a clean house?"
Oh I know what it was, her husband had ignored a pile of laundry for about three weeks and LouLou was testing him to see when he would notice. I believe the result of this test was that he never noticed and she ultimately had to fold. Anyway, that's what I wrote down. Is this how I want to be remembered?
Back to my annoying husband. My husband and I frequently argue about house stuff. His answer is always, "Just make me a list and I'll do whatever you want." But see here's the thing, and it is a thing because I saw a very similar scene played out in the movie The Break-Up. Do you remember that whole lemons scene? Baby wanted 12 lemons because they were show lemons. Then they have this big argument about him not doing the dishes and he said you didn't ask me to do the dishes and she says I don't want to ask you, I want you to want to do the dishes.
That is the principle of it. That sums it up for me. I don't want to write a list for my husband. I want him to notice the laundry and the unmade beds and the dirty dishes and take it upon himself to do something about them. Because he loves me. Because he wants to be helpful. Because he thought of it on his own. Not because I made him do it.
Women are looking for signs. Maybe not all women, but many women are looking for signs from their husbands. I tell my husband all the time, it's the little things that women want. Sure a big, fat piece of jewelry is nice every once in awhile but that's not what really does it for women. Women want the door opened for them. We're hoping for flowers, coffee in the morning or breakfast in bed. You don't even have to make the breakfast. You could go buy the breakfast. We're watching you, testing you all the time.
I told my husband about this a long time ago and we've discussed it several times since. So I know he knows this but he doesn't do these things or doesn't do them with any regularity. So I said to him one time, "If you know these things make me happy and you intentionally don't do them, you are making a choice." Then I think he said something about me making a list.
You see your Honor that's why I had to kill him. He didn't make the bed or do any laundry. Cooking? Forget about it. She'll understand. I know she will.
He came home early yesterday because we had a parent-teacher conference. It was good to see him but I was in a foul mood because...well I was going to list the reasons but it doesn't really matter. They seem kind of silly now, but at the time I was pissed.
So we raced off to parent-teacher conference, raced home. I grabbed my son to take him to karate, changing in the car, came home and found my husband upstairs playing guitar and blasting Emmylou Harris. In re: my earlier post When George Clooney Comes a Knockin', another one on my husband's list is Emmylou.
I'm staring at my 50th bushel of laundry for the day, two unmade beds and dirty dishes and he's upstairs playing guitar. I haul the laundry upstairs and start making the bed, huffing and puffing to show my anger but he can't hear me of course because he's playing Red Dirt Girl or some other freakin' song for the tenth time. See he's playing guitar along with the song so he has to restart it when he gets off the pace.
I had a conversation with my friend LouLou the other day. She also wants to kill her husband. But we had this conversation about anger and why we're so angry all the time. It's basically the same situation only I think she may have it worse because her husband is actually in a band for cripe's sake. But she said something to me that made me think, so much so that I wrote it down. She said she was talking to a friend of hers and I can't remember exactly the circumstance but her friend was saying Lou should live everyday like it's her last and think about what her obituary would say. And Lou said, "Is that really how I want to be remembered? I kept a clean house?"
Oh I know what it was, her husband had ignored a pile of laundry for about three weeks and LouLou was testing him to see when he would notice. I believe the result of this test was that he never noticed and she ultimately had to fold. Anyway, that's what I wrote down. Is this how I want to be remembered?
Back to my annoying husband. My husband and I frequently argue about house stuff. His answer is always, "Just make me a list and I'll do whatever you want." But see here's the thing, and it is a thing because I saw a very similar scene played out in the movie The Break-Up. Do you remember that whole lemons scene? Baby wanted 12 lemons because they were show lemons. Then they have this big argument about him not doing the dishes and he said you didn't ask me to do the dishes and she says I don't want to ask you, I want you to want to do the dishes.
That is the principle of it. That sums it up for me. I don't want to write a list for my husband. I want him to notice the laundry and the unmade beds and the dirty dishes and take it upon himself to do something about them. Because he loves me. Because he wants to be helpful. Because he thought of it on his own. Not because I made him do it.
Women are looking for signs. Maybe not all women, but many women are looking for signs from their husbands. I tell my husband all the time, it's the little things that women want. Sure a big, fat piece of jewelry is nice every once in awhile but that's not what really does it for women. Women want the door opened for them. We're hoping for flowers, coffee in the morning or breakfast in bed. You don't even have to make the breakfast. You could go buy the breakfast. We're watching you, testing you all the time.
I told my husband about this a long time ago and we've discussed it several times since. So I know he knows this but he doesn't do these things or doesn't do them with any regularity. So I said to him one time, "If you know these things make me happy and you intentionally don't do them, you are making a choice." Then I think he said something about me making a list.
You see your Honor that's why I had to kill him. He didn't make the bed or do any laundry. Cooking? Forget about it. She'll understand. I know she will.
Labels: blog, husband, marriage, motherhood
posted by Beck at
1:18 AM
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